POETRY BY IVANKA FEAR

Ivanka Fear is a former teacher now pursuing her passion for writing. She lives in midwestern Ontario, Canada, with her family and cats.

Her poems and short stories appear in Spadina Literary Review, Montreal Writes, Adelaide Literary, October Hill, Scarlet Leaf Review, The Sirens Call, The Literary Hatchet, Understorey, Aphelion, Muddy River Poetry Review, and elsewhere.

You can read more about her HERE 

IT IS

It is what it is
and it’s killing me.                    

No escape from it, nowhere to run,
no place to hide, it stalks me always,
in the darkness, without a sound at all.

No respite it gives, it’s haunting my dreams,
it’s etched into my brain, it runs through my veins,
can’t break away, can’t ease the pain.

No mercy it shows, it’s crushing my life,
It creeps through my skin, it crawls in my bones,
sticks in my throat, catches my…I can't breathe.

No pleas for help, no one to save me,
no chance to reach out, it envelops me.
Don't even try—there’s no way in, no way out.

It is, it just is.
What it is, it is.
It’s in my mind, it’s in my heart,         
it’s in my soul, it’s deep inside,
and it is killing me.       

THE BOX

There’s a box with a lock
not been closed
and I hold the key.
Filled to the brim
paper crammed right in,
jammed tight inside.
Still receiving…
solicitations for donations
from the heart foundation,
inquiries to fill out surveys
from the hospital surgery,
reminders for medical dates
and ads for hearing aids,
requests for tax payments
and refunds of pensions,
a whole slew of bills coming due.
Still on someone’s list
so I must exist
but I don’t pick up.
There’s a box in the ground
where I lie safe and sound
waiting for my mail
forwarding to begin
and someone else to
pick up the mess
locked in a box
that’s not been closed.

I FEAR:
life

crowds, people, public speaking, being alone, loneliness, being at parties, being alone at parties, being judged by others, offending others, having people mad at me, saying the wrong thing, making a fool of myself
living alone, living in a room full of people, having no friends, making new friends, losing my family, losing my mind, losing my family, losing my mind because of losing my family
failure, going broke, change, losing my job, looking for a job, getting a new job, being found out as an imposter at my job, losing that job
being rejected, being ignored, acceptance, no one reading my poems, everyone reading my poems, being a broke poet
not finding a bathroom in time
going to the doctor, going to the doctor too late, going to the dentist, going blind, going deaf, being disabled, losing my senses
break-ins, being attacked, being a murder victim, getting shot, killing someone, going to jail, not being brought to justice
injustice in the world
missing the bus, winter driving, getting trapped in a snowbank, being cooped up inside, getting trapped on the subway, getting trapped in a vicious circle
nightmares, insomnia, being a zombie being the last one standing